My life began when I had learned to accept that I cannot please everybody and started to give myself the respect I deserve! — From Me, for Me!
I’ve learned late in my life to respect myself and pay myself first. Fortunately, it’s never too late. That is why I enjoy every moment of my actual life.
The sad side of it, because there are always side effects with every decision we make, was to accept to let some people go. End some relationships in the process.
Learning to say NO.
That was the first step to reach. Saying no to people to whom you always said yes is hard because they are your closest relations. They know you.
In the beginning, it is a choc for them. People are not used to your naysaying. They used you as a habit, and they are pretty good with flatteries to obtain whatever they want from you.
Even a friend of mine once said: “I knew exactly who to call.” He wanted help to bring furniture he had just bought to his house. He knew I wouldn’t say No.
The same thing happened with someone else who always calls me for money which he rarely gave back. I said yes one time and then, a second and a third and, out of a sudden, it lasts for decades. Until one day, I said No. Enough is enough.
I pushed him to tell me why he never has money and didn’t have a budget. His answer: “Why should I need a budget? I do not have any depts.”
At this moment, I knew there was nothing to do with him.
I am sure you have or had some people around you who used you for their benefit. We all do. The question is: “What are you willing to accept to keep their friendship.” — even if it is siblings!
One of my favourite quotes in that matter came from Niccolo Machiavelli about 500 years ago, and it still is relevant today:
One who deceives will always find those who allow themselves to be deceived!
I learned that most people do not do things to hurt you but mostly because they are lazy.
It is easier to ask for money than live on a budget or make more money.
It is also easier to ask for your help because of your skills than to learn and master those skills by yourself.
Always choose yourself first.
Most of the man I became these last two decades relates to my actual life and business partner.
She pushed me to see how people around me used me for their benefit and to learn how to choose myself first as they do too.
You see, most of the people who used you for any of their needs are selfish, not necessarily in the wrong way. They have chosen themself first and, from time to time, they give a small piece of their cake to make sure that they will not lose you. It is just human behaviour, an old habit.
Until you decide that those small pieces of nothing are far from what you deserve and what you expect in your life, nothing will change.
“Every time you say yes to something you don’t want to do, this will happen: you will resent people, you will do a bad job, you will have less energy for the things you were doing a good job on, you will make less money, and yet another small percentage of your life will be used up, burned up, a smoke signal to the future saying, “I did it again.”
― James Altucher, Choose Yourself
I had long last relationships that I had to end because they did not bring me anything more in pursuing my happiness. I found that I was there only for them. They needed my ears and sometimes drained my energy. There was no balance anymore.
Understand me; I do not say not to help anyone and become a hermit, but any relationship needs to be a win-win thing. If not, what is the point of keeping it?
How many times in our lives did we argue with our life partner about our friends? I know you encountered that situation too. Every couple does. Your other half told you about the bad and negative influence a friend of yours has on you and, you do not want to see it. So arguments and fights came in. Until one day, your eyes opened. You decide to choose yourself, your couple, instead of your friends.
Trust me; it could be a long process, but it is like a revelation when it is done. A lighter life ahead. Less weight on your shoulders.
Stop apologizing
That is the last step to take. After you learned to say NO and finally decide for good to choose yourself, you must stop apologizing about your new behaviour.
Surprisingly it will be first, to yourself!
When you start living life the way you really want it, in the beginning, you may find yourself trying to make excuses about stuff you used to do with or for others.
I remember that at a particular time last year, during the pandemic, it was in August, I was invited to a relative of mine’s wedding. I rejected their invitation because it wasn’t safe first and for other reasons that were not acceptable for me.
I know that I will probably let go of my needs in the past and say yes as I used to do. But not that time.
I remembered that I started trying to find apologies before hitting the button NO on the invitation site. After I had a bit of remorse, it vanished aways really fast because I was true to myself. I decided to respect myself.
The choice was clear in my head. That person, who invited us, has always placed himself first in his life. So, I decided to do the same once and for all.
Of course, you can imagine the chain of reactions after my decision. We barely spoke; we texted once in the last year.
